UnAshamedly Ebony-(Almost) 3 Decades of reflections

  So, in 5 months I will have spent thirty years on this earth and I have been thinking about my life, how I have lived it, and coming to terms with some things about myself. And that all these things, good, bad, and ugly make up the tapestry of Ebony Lorraine Thornton. In a recent conversation with my mother, she had mentioned the goals she hoped I would have achieved by my 30th birthday, and it bothered me.  So, I think I will make the decision to enter my 30’s making goals that I WANT TO ACHIEVE, on MY SCHEDULE, in MY OWN TIME. I started a vision book a few weeks ago of how I would like to see my future pan out, but I made sure to preface it with the addendum that the dates are simply guidelines, not actual dates set in stone, and that they are ALWAYS up for revision. But it’s good to have them to keep me focused. So, what have I learned about myself in these 29 years, 6 months and 28 days? Take a peek below

1.  I am a sinner saved by Jesus’ blood, and God’s grace, officially (by traditional definitions) on August 26, 1987, but unofficially, every day I wake up

2. It leaves me dumbfounded to think that God really does love me…NO MATTER WHAT. Granted, I do things he doesn’t always understand, or dislike, but he loves me nonetheless. WOW!!

3. I know there are people in this world who will take my kindness as a sign of weakness, and take advantage of it, and yet I still continue to be kind. It’s just easier that way. Anger and cynicism are just feelings too difficult to manifest ALL THE TIME.

4.  Being “tender-hearted” (as my mother calls it) or a “softee”, can feel like a burden at times, considering that the oddest things will move me to tears or touch me, or when the cruelty of some people stuns me, and that goes double when you “love the unlovable”, but, again, it beats the alternative.

5. I am a maddening series of contradictions. A sports fanatic and girly girl, a Sunday Driver with a lead foot and tendencies for road rage. A girl who one moment relishes in her life as a single, professional woman in a quiet child-free apartment with no one to answer to, only to cry when the silence feels deafening, and her bed feels empty

6.  Despite a tender heart and kind nature, I am FULL of PASSION, and am starting to make no apologies for it.  How else can a person kill with kindness?

7.   My struggles with my weight have been, and probably will be lifelong.  But in the past, I was losing weight to seek the approval of others. But, the amount of weight I will eventually need to lose is a large number that it seems daunting. But, this time, I want to do it for me, and just go one pound at a time.

8.  While I am learning to be more cost-effective and fashionable at the same time, I am still somewhat high maintenance, and see no problem in purchasing high-end clothing, cosmetics, and footwear (when it’s in my size).  I’m not a label slut, but I think you get what you pay for, and for certain things, a higher price tag is a small price to pay for good quality.

9. I like to cook and I like to eat (what chubby girl doesn’t, that’s why we’re chubby).  Healthy stuff as well as bad stuff. 

10.  I am a romantic at heart, a lover of fairy tales and happy endings, and believe that I will have my cinderella church wedding, honeymoon in some exotic locale, and home in the suburbs with a loving husband and beautiful kids. 

11. Family is very important to me, and always will be. I am an awesome aunt, pretty good sister and (depending on what day you catch the ‘rents) a good daughter, one day, “wife and mother” will be a part of my title as well

     So there you have it. This is me: Christian, daughter, sister, aunt, teacher, American, friend, lover, girly girl, sports fan. Human being. I’m a complex girl, loved by some, envied (possibly hated) by others. But, I am indisputably, and unashamedly Ebony

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